For example, there was a time when we received a big project that the team members were all excited about. What's even more fun is that an employee actively suggested options and ideas for this project. I immediately agreed without thinking too much because this is a longtime colleague and I believe that she knows what she is doing.
But life is not like a dream. When the project started to launch, her plan had the whole team baffled. I blamed myself for taking the risk and of course was furious with the other employee for coming up with a plan that didn't work out. This caused us to have a heated argument that made her almost want to quit her job. Then everything calmed down and it took a week for us to talk privately.
Around this time, I came across a story: A fisherman was rowing a boat down a narrow river. Suddenly another boat was approaching, faster and faster. Despite trying to steer and scream, the other boat also crashed into him. The fisherman was very angry and started shouting until he discovered it was an empty boat. Now he felt even more upset because he had no one to blame.
The story made me immediately think of my situation. What if I'm like that fisherman, and no one is to blame? Is it going to find a way to keep moving, jumping out to handle his own problems? Then more questions kept popping into my head. Instead of blaming, why don't I roll up my sleeves and help? Instead of taking the time to blame, why do I quickly find a way to fix it?... The more I think about it, the more I realize how bad I've been as a manager. I agree with the decision but refuse to take responsibility when something goes wrong. Yet, they still blame others, especially those who took the initiative and made efforts to support.
"It's very easy to blame others when things go wrong, but it's a complete abdication of the manager's role."
If I think that the employee makes mistake 1, then my fault must be 10 times bigger. Being impatient, blaming the other employee makes me feel too immature. If I put myself in their shoes, I would probably be very frustrated. At this rate, either the staff will really leave, not just threaten or I have to "quit my chair" because I'm sure I will still be respected. So no one wins in blaming others, even the more I blame, the more I am the loser.
Unable to wait any longer, I immediately came up with a plan to cure my "blame disease". In every situation, I always keep 3 things in mind.
The first is not to judge who is right and who is wrong, but always stand in the position of the opponent. If an employee makes a mistake, I find out what the motive is then. Surely they also have their reasons for doing something and doing a thorough investigation will help me understand the source of the problem so that I can explain it to help them understand. If you don't blame the employee, don't give the employee a chance to argue, it will make them resentful and of course won't dare to do the task again, then gently (but seriously) talking will encourage them to try to do better.
Many people will think that: If the job is not good, you just want to go crazy, but you still have to sit down and talk slowly. This is a common sentiment, but if you think about it carefully, it won't solve any problems and there are other ways to relieve frustration. Solving problems with employees is also an option. Just one negative outburst can set you back 5 steps.
Second, instead of blaming, accept the blame. Employees who do wrong, of course, in the management role, I also have a part of the fault (50%, not less). Apologizing doesn't make you look small, it's the opposite. You may not be able to become an excellent manager in one step, but you will be a shining star in the hearts of employees.
Third is the most important thing: Focus on what can be changed. If in the past when something went wrong I would ask “Who did this?” but now it will be “Why did this happen?”.
For example, when a team member accidentally deletes a survey form and we have no other copies. Instead of blaming, I would ask myself, “Is there a problem with the way the records are kept?”. When we talked together, we realized that the team seemed to have skipped the backup and the solution was simply to create a folder to store copies of all the samples, including the survey form just done that new.
This approach both helps prevent the problem from happening again and boosts employee confidence, rather than scaring and underappreciating them.
It sounds easy, but to break the habit of blaming others is also scratchy, not joking. But okay! I heard somewhere that "Wow, I thought I was being yelled at. Next time, learn from it!” I feel happy again. That's not to say it's easy to make mistakes over and over again, colleagues!
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