Lecturer: You are the driver of a bus. When departing, there were 30 passengers on the bus. Please listen carefully, there are 30 passengers. At the next stop, 7 passengers got off the bus and 18 more people got on.
The student who wrote the graph paper held the phone and started calculating.
Instructor: The bus continued and at the next stop, 5 passengers got off and 11 people got on. At the next stop, 9 people got off the bus and another 5 people got on. Then the car goes straight to the last station. How old is the driver?
All students were bewildered.
The teacher then explained: This is why you should be good listeners. If I say "You are a driver", the answer must be your age. From now on, listen with your whole mind, not just your ears.
That was the first lesson I learned about the importance of active listening skills, but it wasn't until I became a manager that I was motivated to improve.
I don't know about everyone else, but for me this is not simple. Hearing what others are saying is one thing, but actually listening to the inner meaning and feelings of others is something I'm not good at. Whenever I hear a problem, my mind quickly goes into solution-finding mode, before people even finish their stories.
Not only that, sometimes I also interpret that message from my own perspective, experience, knowledge and form a new story in my head that is completely different from the story that everyone wants to tell. This is what makes me unhappy with myself in a management role.
In this position, having difficult conversations such as solving problems, giving or receiving feedback, or discussing private aspects requires me to understand the other person, not just their words but also their hidden emotions. deep behind for thorough treatment. Only then can I create trust with the staff.
It is often said that if you want to master any skill, find someone who excels at that skill and follow them. Below are 3 things I learned from communication masters about active listening and practice every day.
“Active listening skills are a valuable quality to become a good manager. It is also one of the most important skills every manager needs to develop.”
Top 3 factors to cultivate to improve active listening skills
The first is to free myself from words that keep me from listening attentively.
I notice that every time I listen to someone speak, I often rush to give advice, comfort, or ask questions or rebuttals like "Why don't you do this or that?", "That's not right." It's my fault, I tried my best" or "When did it start?", "There's no way that could happen"... Thought they were showing sympathy but in reality they were causing trouble. , interrupting others and making me unable to concentrate on the story from beginning to end.
Writing sentences like this helps me a lot. Now every time these familiar sentences appear in my head, I stop and remind myself to listen, try to understand the problem, look at the gestures, facial expressions, where the speaker looks. when chatting to understand their thoughts and feelings more. As Robert Baden-Powell once advised: “If you value listening and observing, you will learn more than you can know through words,” I am currently aiming to spend 80% of my time Talking time is spent listening and only 20% is talking.
The second thing is to focus on the conversation and signal to the other person, "I'm listening to you, keep talking."
Nothing complicated, just close the laptop screen, turn off the phone, make eye contact, occasionally nod, and smile when appropriate.
Say so, but don't pretend like you're listening, occasionally inserting sounds like "ah", "yeah", "is that so?", "so what?" while the inside is busy with its own thoughts, or occasionally glances at the phone or fiddles with other things. People are very observant and sensitive. They will immediately recognize what is sincere and what is just pretending. These actions are like pouring cold water directly on their excitement, gradually causing that fire to extinguish and they may no longer want to say anything in the future.
Did you notice here that I said smile when appropriate? Smiling is one of the active listening skills and is only beneficial if used in moderation. Imagine a person who kept smiling throughout the conversation, it would look very scary, right? If you don't smile, who would dare approach such an unapproachable boss, let alone share your honest opinion.
I would also like to add something that perhaps few of us mention, which is that active listening not only happens when communicating in person or on the phone, but also in messages on chat applications. When I receive a message from someone else, if I can't reply right away, I respond with an emoticon saying I've read it so people don't think they're talking into the void.
And lastly, I often paraphrase the problem in my own words and end with the question “Am I understanding this correctly?”.
This helps me determine again whether I understood correctly or missed something? To clarify, I will ask questions that focus on specific things I hear, such as: “Are you referring to the design that was sent to the client last week?”, “ Do you feel like you are not appreciated in this project?" or “Do you want to hear why I said that?”
Because interpretation is to be sure once again, it doesn't matter if it's not completely correct. If there is a mistake, that is a signal for the speaker to clarify further, helping me have a more thorough understanding.
A short summary also has the side effect of giving the speaker time to reflect and listen to their inner voice more accurately. (Many times, they don't even know how to say what they need to say). When explaining, I am acting as a mirror, helping people look back and better understand their own problems.
That's it, these are just 3 simple things, but I find them very effective in showing yourself as a person with active listening skills to access a lot of valuable information. It sounds easy to say, but to get these habits I also encountered many obstacles. But when there is pressure, there are diamonds. By actively listening, managers can learn new perspectives and new ideas to push the business further, maintain motivation among staff while ensuring themselves as a capable superior. and enthusiasm.
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