Eight ways to add value when communicating

Eight ways to add value when communicating

You don’t have to be born with the gift of gab in order to be a stellar communicator. Just like emotional intelligence, this can be learned. It just takes practice, dedication and self-awareness. Here are eight things to consider perfecting if you want to enhance your communication skills and enhance professional success:

Communication Rule #1: Be Real

People are like dogs, they can smell $^#%. We all get nervous – especially in front of ‘higher-ups’ or large crowds – and that’s OK. What’s not OK is when we compensate by going over the top – by putting on airs, pretending to be something we’re not or by changing our demeanor. Sometimes the most refreshing conversations are the ones where people admit to the fact that they’re anxious or not feeling quite themselves – the ones where we’re vulnerable. Genuine people are memorable people, so don’t try too hard to be a different ‘you’.

Communication Rule #2: Connect Personally

Make your message matter to the person on the other end. Most of us don’t care what’s being said unless it resonates with us on a deeper level. Find that personal connection and tap into it. Whether it’s a point of common interest – the fact that you both have children or are from the same city or share in the same values – find a way to touch on that commonality. It’ll increase the strength of your connection and the value of what you’re trying to convey.

Good communicators say what they want to say, quickly, clearly and briefly. People’s attention spans today are a minute at most (if we’re lucky) and they get lost in long sentences and large words. Choose simple, straightforward messaging and cut right to the chase.

Communication Rule #4: Listen Empathically

People want to be heard. They want to be acknowledged and they want to be seen. The best way to do this is not only by actively listening. It’s by doing something that only a reported two percent of the population does. It’s called empathic acknowledgment. This is basically the ability to listen without giving advice and without relating it back to you. All you have to do is let the person know that you’ve heard them and acknowledge their feelings surrounding the issue. Literally saying something like, ‘I can see how upset this makes you‘ goes a lot further than trying to solve the problem. It’s been said that if you’re able to do this, the other person will walk away feeling like they’ve just had the equivalent of a psychological hug. It’s not easy, but if you can master this, you’ll make the other person feel amazing and differentiate yourself from the masses.

Communication Rule #5: Ask Questions

There’s nothing worse than walking away from a conversation realizing that the person didn’t ask a single question about you – yet it happens all the time. When we inquire about the other, we’re letting them know that we care and we’re also helping create a space for them to talk in. The key is to make sure you listen to the answers and not just zone out.

Communication Rule #6: Read body language

When we can pick up cues and read your audience, we become better able to meet their needs. For example, if you’re giving a talk and a few people have their arms crossed over their chests they’re most likely closed off to something being said (unless it’s freezing, at which point you might want to turn off the AC.) Whether it’s intentional or not, the act of crossing our arms affects how open our minds are to the conversation. So in this situation the goal would be to change their position and uncross their arms. Something you can do is to ask the person to write notes on the board, or give them a drink of water, hand them a marker, or get them to stand up. Do something that will force them to change their positioning. If you can learn to read body language you can tailor your communication in order to maximize influence.

For more on this there’s a great book called The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara and Allan Pease.

There’s nothing worse than walking away from a conversation realizing that the person didn’t ask a single question about you – yet it happens all the time. When we inquire about the other, we’re letting them know that we care and we’re also helping create a space for them to talk in. The key is to make sure you listen to the answers and not just zone out.

Communication Rule #7: Practice positive communication: Change the but to and

What we say and how we say it shapes the dynamic of our conversations. Most of us don’t realize how certain words or ways of speaking can greatly affect the outcome of our interactions. For example, when we use the word ‘But’ in a conversation it automatically erases everything that was previously said. It’s unfortunate as there are so many great things that are said before the ‘but’, however as humans we focus only on the ‘post-but’ information.

Instead of saying ‘but’ try changing the word to ‘and’.

For example take these two sentences:

• I love your blog. It’s informative and funny but it could be a bit more practical.
• I love your blog. It’s informative and funny and I think making it a bit more practical would enhance its impact.

Do you notice a difference?

Not only does doing this force you to re-think the message you want to deliver, it also changes the tone of what you’re trying to convey and places equal emphasis on everything being said.

Communication Rule #8: Think now, talk later

I have a rule that if I’m ever having a bad day, haven’t had enough sleep or just am in a ‘mood’, everything I want to communicate – via email, phone, text or in person – I postpone until the following day. If the next day I’m still on board with what I wanted to communicate, I go ahead with it. What happens is that 50 percent of the time I decide not to say anything at all. Sleeping on things gives yourself the space to decide if you really want to communicate that message. It helps avoid knee-jerk reactions and allows us to formulate our thoughts and deliver our message in the best way possible.