Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in the Workplace

What does Nonviolent Communication mean?

Nonviolent Communication was developed by Marshall Rosenberg. Rosenberg was born in the USA in the 1930s, and specialized in psychology. He was mentored by Carl Rogers – the originator of the person-centered psychological approach. Rosenberg began his professional career as a clinical psychologist, but eventually closed his private practice. He devoted his time to researching new and meaningful ways he could apply his professional training to reduce various forms of violence to disseminate peace-making skills.

In his research, Rosenberg has identified forms of language that block compassion. We will call these forms the Domination Paradigm.

Paradigm of Domination versus Paradigm of Partnership (Jackal vs. Giraffe)

The Domination Paradigm, often referred to as ‘jackal language’, reveals a language full of:

• Diagnoses: which represent labels, judgments, and interpretations. Maybe you have used expressions like: “You’re too lazy.” All depreciation, labeling, criticism, and comparison are forms of judgment.
• Demands: the other person has to do it, otherwise they may suffer a punishment. Demands are actually threats.
• Deserving: wrong deserves to be punished and right rewarded. And then we create the ‘good group’ and the ‘bad group’.
• Denial of Responsibility: we think that there is no choice and that everything has to be a certain way. When we develop this way of thinking, what happens to us is someone else’s fault, and not our responsibility. For example: “I didn’t want to do this, but my manager told me to.”

In a paradigm of domination environment, we face:

• Duality: the separation of what should or should not be done has to be clear. This also involves rules and commandments.
• Separation: if our point of view is right, everyone else is wrong.
• Scarcity: there is always a winner and a loser. There is not room for everyone.
• Power conflict: the right people need space to spread their ideas and authority. Others have to obey.
• Power over: becomes one of the greatest human goals, while someone has to fill the submissive role. Order comes from power over others.
• Only way: we always look for the only possible answer, the right answer! A single correct path.
• Lack of possibility of choice: there is only the possibility of commanding or obeying. The system becomes authoritarian and controlling.
• Invisible violence: fear, guilt, and shame. We educate ourselves to continue to obey, and without hesitation, we already blame ourselves.

While the Domination Paradigm takes us away from a happier and more productive work environment, the partnership paradigm makes room for an environment of collaboration, understanding and reciprocity.

Characteristics of the partnership paradigm, often referred to as the ‘giraffe view’ in the context of Nonviolent Communication:

• Unicity: in the opposite way of separating from the dual world, there is no right or wrong, good or bad, but the search for meeting human needs lies behind each action. This I call the “Humanly Correct!”
• Connection: we connect by understanding that we all have the same needs.
• Abundance: there are many possibilities when we realize that we are looking for something beyond the action itself, from there new strategies emerge.
• Creativity: solutions become mutually beneficial and encourage partnerships.
• Shared power: everyone is empowered to create and trust each other, recognizing that we are better together than alone. Competition for power ceases to make sense.
• Choice: when our needs are recognized as well as our differences, choice is a possibility.
• Collaboration: by taking care of everyone’s needs, I am also taking care of my own.

How does Nonviolent Communication work? The four steps of Nonviolent Communication

Based on these four components, Rosenberg created a model for lifeenriching communication that can be highly effective in solving conflict with our family members, friends, coworkers, and ourselves. Yes, also with ourselves!

The basic outline of the model is the following:

1. When I see that ____________
2. I feel ____________
3. because my need for ______________ is/is not met.
4. Would you be willing to ________________?

Observation

Observations represent what actually happened. All too often we mix what we observe, with what we interpret about what we observe, and this creates judgments. On the other hand, an observation is what a video camera can capture.

We know we are in judgment mode when:

• We make generalizations such as “so-and-so is always late for meetings”. Always, never, and every time are generalizations. Instead, choose to say: “you were late for the last 3 meetings.”
• We use adjectives like “you are being stubborn.” Instead, reflect on what makes you think that the person is being stubborn as there may be an observation to uncover.
• We confuse feelings with pseudo-feelings: feelings that are not feelings but words that reflect your thoughts, for example “Roberto disrespected me.”
• We assess the situation, ignoring someone else’s perspective: “this project is going to fail.”

Feelings

Feelings are the second component of Nonviolent Communication. It is interesting to think that we commonly develop a great ability to express our thoughts, but the same does not always happen with feelings.

Needs

Feelings and emotions can be considered messengers of needs. Needs are the stimulus for what we are feeling. What another person does or says is simply a stimulus, but never the cause, of what we feel.

When we communicate from the Domination Paradigm, using judgments, criticisms, diagnoses and interpretations, we are expressing ourselves in a way alienated from our own needs and values.

Needs are not wants. In the context of Nonviolent Communication, Rosenberg refers to universal human needs. That is, we all, to a greater or lesser extent, have the same needs.

Benefits of using Nonviolent Communication at work

Now that you have an idea of what Nonviolent Communication is about, perhaps you are wondering how this can help you at work. According to Gallup Institute, 76% of people have already experienced symptoms of burnout at work. The lack of clarity in management communication is the third main cause of these symptoms. Nonviolent Communication can help to overcome this, and much more:

• Nonviolent Communication helps in dealing with conflict: like me, many people look to Nonviolent Communication as a way to deal with divergent opinions in a more productive way. 
• Nonviolent Communication helps when offering constructive feedback: it is very common to hear complaints about feedback that does not generate value, or worse, causes uncomfortable situations.
• Nonviolent Communication helps to promote a collaborative environment: collaboration is influenced by how we communicate with each other.
• Nonviolent Communication helps in feeling heard: have you ever gone through moments when you seem to speak, but nobody understands what you want to express? This is one of the reasons why people seek Nonviolent Communication.

• Nonviolent Communication helps to better leadership: leaders who practice Nonviolent Communication can create a positive work culture where open and respectful communication is encouraged. This is what impacts people’s motivation and productivity.
• Nonviolent Communication helps to improve decision making: Nonviolent Communication helps ensure that all perspectives are considered during the decision-making process. This can lead to more successful decisions.
• Nonviolent Communication helps in increasing efficiency: clear, direct communication can help avoid misunderstandings and rework, improving overall efficiency and productivity.